


Nine Mile

by Anonymous



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Gen, Rap Battles, how are you meant to pronounce "aqours" anyway lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: μ’s, Aqours, A-RISE and Saint Snow have a rap battle.





	Nine Mile

_‘It was always going to come down to this!’ shouts the female announcer, her heart-shaped glasses glinting, her brown hair glowing gold under the glare of the studio lights._

**Announcer:**

Creation and destruction; two sides of a coin

This is the theme of the battle we join

Who can build verse so adverse to place the other group in a hearse

Design allegory and oratory to lead a path to glory

That, my friends, is the point of this story

Which I shall describe to you momentarily:

Discourse abounds and the argument sounds,

Making the rounds on all the most passionate grounds:

Don’t pretend it’s not there, it’ll be settled fair and square,

In this, a one-night only affair!

No need to keep up appearances, no room for forbearances;

There’s no need for tolerance as our idols show off their rap battle competence!

Tonight’s agenda is simple!

Between Love Live and Love Live Sunshine; μ’s and Aqours, which is the best group?

Honoka-san, you’re up!

 

_Lights and cameras swivel all at once to their orange-haired target. The beat fades in and sounds in her earphones as Honoka takes a breath, then lifts the microphone just in front of her lips. She hits the beat with confidence as the others watch on, ready to follow afterwards…_

 

**Honoka:**

What started out in a magazine publication

Eventually became a KiRa-KiRa Sensation

Our faces and songs on train and radio stations

Snow Halation our hit across all the world’s nations

We’re the ones who’ve earned all the admiration

Adulation, adoration of our skills and sophistication

Popularity, enough idolatry to save our school Otonoki

Record merchandise sales in earning all those royalties

In mu’s is where you should place your loyalties

We’re the real OG’s, Aqours are fakes like forgeries

Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of similarities:

She’s orange haired, genki, so full of energy

Their leader is literally a copy of me

Like she’s stolen a branch from my family tree

Or fraudulently ripped off my genealogy

They just changed the locality and set it by the sea

But for all of the cheating, I get what she’s thinking

Why change our formula, when it’s always winning?

We put the panache into Start:DASH

We’re the pinnacle, That is Our Miracle

We’re the No Brand Girls who topped the world

Long before Aqours was ever unfurled

We’re the deserved number one, claiming otherwise is absurd

That’s enough nouns and verbs, so let’s hear their leader’s blurb

 

**Chika:**

It started in spring, an impulsive thing

I saw μ’s perform and wanted to start shining

It was inspiring, the beginning of something surprising

All the way to the top and we’re still rising

We’re Aqours HEROES, we’ve stepped from Zero to One

Then Love Live we won in our second season

But that my friends, is where the similarity ends

Let me say this instead to what Honoka said

And stop you all from being misled

My eyes are red, my hair looks like I got out of bed

I’m not an airhead with an unhealthy obsession for bread

I didn’t run in the rain pouring from the heavens

Only to collapse while performing and get knocked out before prelims

I took down the poster of μ’s from up on my wall

Because I wanted to go and surpass you all

If you take us on, that’ll be your downfall

I think you’ve taken too many sentimental steps

Backwards, and beaten by generation next

Here’s one more sunshine story

We don’t need any former glory

Because we’re the best in this school idol territory

And that’s the end of my oratory!

 

**Kotori:**

Stand to atten-chun, it’s Kotori Minami

Designer of outfits more tailored than Armani

You know, I got a chance to study fashion in France

You design skirts which look more like pants

And let’s not get into the way that you dance

It looks like you won Love Live by chance

Our enhanced skills leave viewers entranced

We’re advanced and unmatched, we’re the number one act

It’s a matter of fact, we established this track

Is that all your attack? You need to do better than that

Because like cheesecake, Kotori will make you her snack!

My rhymes are sweet&sweet like caramel

In comparison, you’re spicaterrible

My lyrics bring the pain

Like running a blueberry train

Over you and making a stain of your group so plain

Akihabara is our Wonder Zone

We’ve twice sold out the Tokyo Dome

And we’ve stolen the show and you should just go home!

 

**You:**

This is You repping Aqours, laying down grooves,

Compared to μ’s, you’d say that we’re new and improved

I didn’t want to be rude, but you’ve a bad attitude

Maybe that’s why your songs are unrefined and quite crude

Aww, I’m sorry, was that a little too shrewd?

I’ll show you that we have the real aptitude

As opposed to μ’s, who are out to delude

We’re better by an order of magnitudes

You’re like beginners sailing – drowning and failing

Falling over the railing without your lifejacket inflating

I’ll be the shark when I see your limbs flailing

Blood in the water always gets my heart racing!

 

**Umi:**

Umi Sonoda, lyricist extraordinaire,

I’ve written my share of rhymes beyond compare

When I’m done you’ll need a visit from Médecins Sans Frontières

My name means sea, I’m a student of archery

Love arrows in my armoury, ready to pierce without pleasantry

For now, a treatise to show off my expertise:

We’re the best of the school idol species

The lyrics of your songs are verbal faeces

And they spread far worse than any disease

We have courage and reason

You should be discouraged and leave soon

Before a massacre blooms like a flower in the future

And your defeat looms ever nearer and nearer

 

**Riko**

Recording hit after hit, I’m Riko Sakurauchi

Composing chart toppers is my pianoforte

I’ll add writing monologue to that, just for today

I’ll convey words which make μ’s just cliché

Like their songs: so simply written and passé

I’m on the piano from Monday to Friday

Because on the weekends I’m buying yuri doujinsh-

Ahem!

I was enrolled in Otonokizaka

So I know first-hand their students are all suckers

And suck-ups to this group of mediocres

Heard of Nishikino-san?

My compositions are above hers

Much like how this verse is

If she wants to take me on

She should prepare her nurses!

 

**Maki:**

No time to be nice when my lines begin

It’s time to get Maki-avellian

I’m pedigree of progeny; prodigal product of prophecy

Popping poetic polemic, making you all look pathetic

Playing piano, no one comes near a Nishikino

Not Chopin or Beethoven and certainly not Riko

I feel it’s time to be real with the title she’s trying to steal

So here’s the deal: stop me if you’ve heard this before

A schoolgirl red-haired pianist, writing scores

Finding chords, leading dreams to their doors

And earning applause and encores

Long before Aqours was in force

There was Nishikino Maki, of course

If I were to summarise Riko-san

I’d say she’s like me, but worse

I’m the darling on the keys

I pull off daring lines with ease

Let’s see who’s willing to lose now; next please!

 

**Hanamaru**

Hanamaru Kunikida, about to open up like pandora

As for my rhymes, I have a plethora, zura

I spend my free time in the library;

An expert in history and vocabulary

So with my skills of diction let me serve some non-fiction:

Our songs are an addiction like nicotine

You’re like Antoinette – set for the guillotine

We’re the revolution on the school idol scene

Set to wipe out the has-beens and their delusional dreams

Climb the scaffolding, set the stocks, wear a hood to block the sun

I’ll pull the rope, loose the blade and say “Goodnight, everyone!”

 

**Rin:**

With Hoshizora Rin, winning’s a sure thing

I’ll rin-rin-ring a love wing bell and put the new girls in their shell

Like throwing children in a well when I dispel this lyrical spell

An idol with a verbal tic; a cute trick

Who did you nick that from, I wonder?

Be subtler next time – even ‘nya’ rhymes with ‘zura’!

And I don’t get why nya’ll have anything to say

Because your school gets closed down anyway

Pretty sure it’s a rule – school idols need a school

So would you please not get up here and just look like fools

Not unless you just like being schooled?

 

**Ruby**

I… umm…

I’m really not good with this sudden attention…

Err…

T-The reason why we’re number one,

Is because we have the bestest onee-chan-

 

**Announcer:**

Oh sorry, my mistake!

It’s halftime now, I called it a bit late!

We have something extra to put on the viewers plate

Ain’t that great? So sorry Ruby, you’ll have to wait

Now, if you’re caught by surprise and thought that was it

Then you should’ve read the summary, you dimwit!

Please welcome to the show both A-RISE and Saint Snow

As we continue this rap battle between rival shows

Are both of you ready? Well then, let’s go!

 

**Tsubasa:**

Hey now, did you really forget about us?

We wrote the syllabus on school idol genius

It’s time to versus with our verses

We’re Venuses, now let me unleash my thesis:

We’re the first gen school idols, of which you’re disciples

Inspiring rivals and delivering titles

Winning Love Live showed that we’re who’s who among idols

And history will show that we should’ve had two

μ’s won the second, but it was just lucky

‘Cause we really should’ve won after playing “Shocking Party”

 

**Sarah:**

Saint Snow’s Sarah here, about to put it in your ear

About how we’re the superior set of rivals to our opponents here

When I awaken the power it’ll all turn sour for ya

Like the look that Erena always has on her resting bitch face

Maybe she’s just showing her distaste

For the outfits Anju makes: gaudy and lacking in grace

Designed by someone with no taste

The fashion world you debase with this walking disgrace

Kindly get this trash out of this place

Oh, and when you’re finished, take care of their costumes too

We’re taking no prisoners as we’re working this coup

 

**Erena:**

We’re the source who got μ’s originally inspired

Without A-RISE, this story doesn’t even get started

It’s not hard to see how that originally transpired

Our legacy is something that’ll never expire

And that’s something that can’t be said about you

“Hello there, we’re Saint Snow!” – I’m sorry, but who?

I’d say don’t slip, but I might be too late

Sorry, that quip was just an easy bait

Please don’t hate me for making it

But have you heard of rubber soles?

You might want to investigate

It might have stopped you from that mistake

It’s just a little something to contemplate

 

**Leah:**

No fear, it’s Leah on the mic from Saint Snow

Don’t test my self control, it’s about to get personal:

Miss Tsubasa of A-RISE, is there something wrong with your eyes?

Because you wink so often it gives your lids exercise

Like you’re blinking away flies from your stench of pigsties

You have a forehead you could land planes on

Your songs are plain and cliché; always drags on

We’re like pieces in chess – I’m queen and you’re pawn

I bet your parents regret having you as their spawn

And the other two aren’t even worth railing on

So that’s it, drop the mic, I’m so freaking done!

 

**Anju:**

You couldn’t keep it classy, now it’s a Private War

Shame this is PG-13

Or I’d call you daughters of a whor…se

Think I’ll pay reverence to your relevance?

That’s a reference I can’t countenance

You sure talk a big game

For someone who falls when they dance

We wrote the record book with our hooks

You’ve always left the stage shook

Sadly, not in a good way, instead

Walking away as prey to competition of the day

With your sorry displays, get out of the way

When A-RISE come to play, you should pray

You won’t come out alive at the end of the fray!

 

**Announcer:**

Who won? Who’s next? You decid-

Wait, actually it’s Ruby who’s next as we continue this text

I’m sorry for introducing some unnecessary subtext!

Let’s see if she can unleash a verbal suplex after having some time to think of her words next!

 

**Ruby:**

A-A ruby is a gem coloured red or pink,

A Ruby with one eye shut, that’s a red gem wink

And Ruby knows what everyone here likes to think

I’m just a loli who likes lollies, a cutie saying “Ganbaruby”

Dia’s always protectively next to me

Well, let me cut myself free

I’ll spit lines like an uzi to defeat these floozies

Your outfits are lame, your songs are plain

We have more fans than you’ll ever gain

We reign supreme in this school idol game

So leave while you can, before you get slain!

 

**Hanayo:**

This is Hanayo Koizumi, just listen to me

Rail on these dopes as easy as skipping rope

We push the envelope, they steal our tropes

They’re the dirt in much need of some soap

I feel unclean just from having watched them spoke

So here’s a joke…

Aqours

Run on back home to your mothers

Scour the smell of defeat in your showers

And leave the stage for those with the powers

Like one with a name that means flowers

AKA me! Hanayo Koizumi!

I could go endlessly,

But then I’d have to start charging fees.

 

 **Yoshiko** :

This world is unbalanced, off-axis

So let me right it like Atlas

Because at last it’s time for Yohane’s target practice

Just a fallen angel who’s about to raise hell

I revel in rebellion, I’ve got eight little demons

To place these relics in museums or mausoleums

I’m ice cool like Cocytus, although my luck is in crisis

Our songs got a touch like Midas

Of school idols, we’re finest

Why listen to μ’s, they’re old like arthritis

I hope it won’t hurt when you kneel in front of Yohane: your Highness

 

**Nico:**

This is Nico Yazawa, about to hit you

With rhymes so dirty you’ll be needing a shower

You put on a brave act but you’re lacking in tact

You’re about to get smacked by my Love Nico Attack

You’ll be lucky if you get out of this verse intact

In fact, I’ve become a verbal magician, just listen

I’m Number One for a reason

Well, more than one, actually,

Nico Nii can think of three

So the star of BiBi will emcee and show you why

μ’s is the bees knees and Aqours are understudies

Reason one: because μ’s have me, okay, done

Reason two: because your dues are long overdue

Without us, there would never be you

Reason three is again, me: I’m amazingly, breathtakingly,

Incomparably above all of thee

Get on one knee and bow to my idol royalty!

 

**Mari:**

You want to know what me, Mari, thinks of these citysiders?

Beach, please! That’s what I prefer

I’m licenced to take my van

Up the new winding road to my seaside mansion

And I get to touch the chest of Kanan

And Dia with my bare hands-

 

**Dia and Kanan:**

Perverted woman!

 

**Mari:**

There’s a helicopter for when I want to sightsee

If I get bored, I have land in Italy

I need more ways to spend my money

Perhaps I’ll commission another statute or three

Let me give you some advice that’s free

Try not to mess with me, because I carry weaponry

Heavy metal and shiny, always kept close to me

Keep your distance like you’re supposed to be

Don’t make me use it when I get angry

That’s right, I carry…

Gold chains of jewellery

They really hurt if I use them carelessly!

**Nozomi:**

You wanna go toe to toe with Tojou from Tokyo?

You’re in for some woe as I hit you with my flow

This part-time, damn fine, chime-ringing shrine maiden

Will leave you shaken by my words, I’m just that brazen

We’re the dancing stars, and not Aqours

We’re the nine goddesses, you all are just novices

You think you’ve surpassed us, that’s your hypothesis?

How preposterous! Our skills are pure divine providence

Let me call into evidence something readily evident:

We’re the muses by name, being school idols’ our game

We brought the fame, and that’s something you can’t claim

Our group of nine, blessed from Kanda Shrine

Will stand the test of time, instead of Love Live Sunshine!

 

**Kanan:**

Delivering lines like a cannon, more truthful than canon

It’s me, Kanan; can we beat you? Yes we can and

I taught Chika how to do backflips for days

Your leader likes to pass out on stage after performing a twist

I’ll take a boat out; watch whales like a biologist

I’m an expert on it so I can tell you this

You have something in common – you both blow

I had to explain that ‘cause you seem a bit slow

In fact, I’d say you’re somewhat like fish

Like a starfish; I’ll explain: you both lack brains

You’re a shame to human evolutionary traits

You should be hit by a train of freight

Because everything about you all is second rate!

 

**Eli:**

This is Eli Ayase, listen to me when I say

I spray verses like an AK and I’m ready to slay

Trained in ballet, I’m a Bolshevik ballerina  

Sing like an ocarina with skills to sell out arenas

We’re the true queens, princesses, duchesses, reginas

You scavenge on our reputation like rabid hyenas

We’re Athenas and you’re already miles beneath us

We’re handsome and horosho and you’re just horrible

It’s a horror show just watching you, your skills are just terrible

We’re not even comparable, you’re just freaking unbearable

I’m kawaii and kashkoi, I could star in Bolshoi

In dance, any one of you I could destroy like cheap toys

Thrown by a baby in a cradle, I’m an angelic angel

Watching as you continue to flail and fail

I’m no guardian, you’ve gotta run

Because I string lines together just for fun

But never fear, we’ll cut it here and say that I’m done

Unless you’d like me to bust out an even better one?

 

**Dia:**

This is Dia “Even My Name Rhymes” Kurosawa

I spit straight fire when I want to

What I’ve aspired to ever since I started school

When I found mu’s: my pure, dove white first love

But where do I now stand when push comes to shove?

Do I burn my CDs like effigees?

Alight my Eli tees and nesoberis?

(And perhaps cry over the wasted fees)

I… I can’t do this, please!

I refuse to play a game which puts me ill at ease

I’d rather die, so write my eulogies

I’ll pray on my knees for the group which set my abc’s

I’m only sorry that I’m a failure as a sister, Ruby.

 

**Ruby:**

Onee-chan…

 

**Chika:**

Dia, you traitor!

 

**You:**

You’re meant to be a hater!

 

**Kanan:**

Worry about things later, we’re here to be debaters!

 

**Announcer:**

If I may say a few words as your arbitrator-

 

**Honoka:**

I’m sorry, but who even is this?

**Announcer:**

The name’s Akiba Reporter, check MyAnimeList

Of this battle, I think I get the jist

Generations of idols brawling with words instead of fists

I think some people might take things way too serious

So to sum things up, I’ll now say this:

The show’s called “Love Live”

It’s not meant to divide

And instead supply the kind of pride that

Only cute girls and pop songs can serve to provide

No need for hate or impassioned debate

Because in the end, they’re really both great

Don’t start shipping wars where there’s nothing at stake

It’s a mistake, dumb and simple, like the minds of such people

And instead, turn a hand to create and cultivate

A school idol paradise where ideas resonate

But enough of my evangelizing, proselytizing

I’ll get back to the writing and rhyming, it’s good timing

To close things off with one final chapter

And now deal with the most important matter

That is: Love Live is way better than IdolM@ster!

 

**ALL:**

And that, our friends, is our combined answer!

We hope you’ve enjoyed your school idol rappers!


End file.
